I have alot of issues with Jealousy, Possessiveness, agressive grudge holding and so on... It really kinda hinders my life and relationships due to the jealous and posessive feelings. I feel this way not just about my romantic relationships but my friendships as well. Just it is a worlds worse with my romantic partner. Enough that I can't stand friends really, and everyone feels like they stand between us. I can't say much will fix my issues, I'm sort of a yandere...( I don't really mind, just when I can't do anything about keeping my lover 100 percent mine. I like to try to think of how to deal with the emotions.)

Is anyone else here have jealousy or possessive issues? or did? Know any ways to deal with it or reduce it?  Only time I really didn't feel them is when I was rather disloyal myself. ( I feel as then I am on equal grounds. It's messed up, don't ask.  ) Just I can't really do that. My Morals say no, Soooo... Any love-medicine? 

You are greedy and insecure. We all are. But I think when you are really ready to love someone that sort of thing naturally changes.
I used to be so jealous, and I'd hate my lover to be around any other girl.
These days my sweetheart is far away from me. With our time difference it's very hard to talk together in real time. At first I was always angry at him when I see some pictures or something with other people, doing other things. But then I started thinking like his "would I ever jeprodize our relationship for someone else?" I think, "am I looking for someone else, or someone better?". When my heart says no I need to trust he feels the same. Because why bother being with someone who doesn't think you are the best? Who you can't trust?
If you think that by cheating you are hurting someone before they hurt you then you've already closed your heart to that person. You don't love them. Why would you love someone who's intention was to hurt you? You need to accept that no one is out to 'get' you. And when someone does hurt you they are just acting as selfish and immature as you did before.
It's a maturing thing. And really think that sort of attitude is why my previous relationships failed. You push someone away if the feel always under scruitiny and you make yourself into a nasty person to be around since you're always stressing yourself out.
Or at least that's how it went for me.
I'm a big yapper too XD

I've been pretty screwed up in the head about relationships from the start. ( my first relationship I got when I was ten, and lasted for three years. Broke up because it turned out it was just a game to him and cheated on me many times. for years after that I expected the same from everyone and everything )

I've gotten alot better. I have my friends, he has his. Just I never get why all his have to be girls, and thanks to my terrible insecurity, everyone looks godly compared to me in my eyes. "oh...he'll like her more than me soon.." and it goes on, being really ridiculous. I don't think of anyone else ( I just know from the past that I didn't feel these things when the relationships were open-ended, *not the relationship I am talking about now, but others with other people* though I suppose that was because I didn't care......) and he has my full attention. We dated for 3 years previously, and things went REALLY badly near the end due to zero communication, cramped living conditions with crazy parents, broken promises on his end and lack of understanding on my end, and it just all kinda snowballed. We broke up, he went back to california, I dated some boy for 6 months, and he came back into love for me and I never really fell out so it all just kinda went flying off merrily. Now he's coming to visit me for the holidays (arrives tomorrow at 11) and we're pretty much in a relationship... (as Lovers, not offical because I'm being all loluneasy about it thanks to how it went last time.) 

Trying my hardest to mature and be good... But it's sometimes unbearably hard. I suppose thanks to my livestyle I don't see my self as anything at all...Feel as if I don't force him to always look at me, he'll forget about me the second he takes his eyes off me.

Maybe I'm just overly emotional right now, and don't have my head straight.

I can imagine myself coming here within a few days being all "I CAN"T BELIEVE I SAID ALL THIS ON MAF." and question what I was thinking. ; m ; fsdkjhgdfgldfg.

Big yappers can be really enjoyable, I just hope I don't get on anyones nerves with my walls of text...  

I get very jealous because I get very insecure. I feel like people are definitely better than me in a lot of ways so if someone I have is with someone else, I get jealous because I am insecure about myself.

I'm not sure how to control it. The friends I make know I'm this way and they cling to me and make sure to tell me they love me and love being my friends. I haven't had a relationship for a while because of that.

Lolita_Tobi wrote: I get very jealous because I get very insecure. I feel like people are definitely better than me in a lot of ways so if someone I have is with someone else, I get jealous because I am insecure about myself. I'm not sure how to control it. The friends I make know I'm this way and they cling to me and make sure to tell me they love me and love being my friends. I haven't had a relationship for a while because of that.

-nods- Yeah, it can be a huge trouble-causer.

My friends have similar issues, but make sure to be all loveing with me too. My bestest friend is suppper loving and I love her dearly. I sometimes selfishly wonder if it is just my boy not giving me enough reassurence, but even then... If it's bringing my life down - it's a problem I have and should deal with. These things are so hard though.  Then again, changing who you are as a person is a hard task to begin with... 

I'm not very jealous, but my boyfriend is. I find is just as hard. It drives me nuts I cant even email with a male without him getting pissed about it. Right now there are only two males in my life, my dad and my brother, those are the only one's he's not upset about. I've been thinking about sending him to a psycyotrist. I just don't find his behavior normal, and I have never done anything for him to not trust me. I find it insanely annoying, I think he acts like a child. I don't feel the same way at all when he spends time with his classmates (boys and girls). I would never forbid him to talk to a girl ever again.

I guess I'm not very insecure after all. When it came to fashion I was never jealous of other peoples outfits cus I found my own to be a lot better. I never got jealous of other peoples interior, cus I liked my own much better. I never got jealous of my friends reaching their dreams, cus I had my own. I like that my style and interior reflects what I like, rather than reflect what other people like. I feel pleased about follow my own dreams, I don't have to be jealous cus of course i find my own drems to be more appealing and relevant..

I must say I don't understand jealousy at all... 

Zeruda- I only feel jealous when it is people who do/like the similar things as me, but can actually do it better than me. I've never lived a privlaged life so I was always jealous of the artists who could run off and buy a tablet as soon as they wanted, and CG'd right off the bat, and everything. I had to wait years, struggling with the mouse and everything to attempt getting nice CG art. I only get jealous over decorated houses for the fact that they can. (I haven't moved out yet so I can't.) I don't get jealous of peoples outfits, just kinda don't...I generally just apprieciate actually seeing a nice one. I never got jealous over friends reaching dreams, I encourage it. 

Though, I understand your issue with your boyfriend. My first boyfriend...um, he was a promise breaking cheater but he was highly the jealous type. I wasn't allowed friends with males. I don't trust people who are like that, and refuse to let you talk to other boys/girls. I feel it shows that they are not trusting you and think you'll cheat? and a cheater is more likely to expect such a thing out of you bcause they are and think everyone else would too? That was my first boyfriend's case at least... I surely hope that isn't your boyfriends case.

I feel insecurity really comes from how you're raised.  

Hm, I´ve never been the jelous type-- quite the opposite (which I guess could be as bad). My old boyfriend was studying psychology, which meant that about 85% of his classmates and friends were girls. My Mom was constantly telling me: "Don´t you worry?" "They could steal him away!" "He´s always surrounded by girls, that´s temptation!!". I always told her that I knew I wouldn´t cheat, and so why should I be in a relationship with him expecting that he´d do what I wouldn´t? I should at least believe that the person I fell in love with was trustworthy, and that he chose me because he wante me, and not someone else.

The thing is, he might have actually been trying to get a reaction from me, but I naturally didn´t. I wholly totally and absolutely trusted him to not do anything, even if he spent hours surrounded by cute girls.  I think he wanted me to worry, and when I didn´t--that trust backfired on me.

I´m quite independent, and expect independence from my boyfriends: that they need not be constantly reassured of my love every 5 minutes. I´m somewhat emotionally inexpressive (due to my shyness) and not prone to shouting my feelings or passions into the world, so it should be enough if I´m the one who´s actually confessing, right? Not the guy. The one who does all the initiating, and stuff like that? As opposed to the guy doing it. Even if I don´t text every day saying "I lurve you so much sedfjsoirsldkfjsi!!", it should be understood since I actually worked up the courage to hunt down that person, initiate a friendship that lasted a year and then directly declare my love (uncharacteristically bold of me), that I care, right?  Enough not to expect me to say it every single time we talk? Even if I don´t  explode in a jealous rage every time you greet your classmates or eat lunch with them at uni? Well, apparently not. ^_^

I´m the opposite of you apparently--I´m not clingy enough. Well, according to my ex. I still think that I´m not as bad as that, that it´s just that he needed a clingy person for himself. Trusting someone, in my mind, is better than being suspicious all the time. It´s less tiring and stressful too. I´ll never change my mind about that. But I guess that without an explanation, it might come off as not being worried out of sheer "I don´t care"ness. We should have talked more about it. *shrug*

Just proves how both extremes are bad, and the good is finding balance in the center.

Lumiina wrote: Zeruda- I only feel jealous when it is people who do/like the similar things as me, but can actually do it better than me. I've never lived a privlaged life so I was always jealous of the artists who could run off and buy a tablet as soon as they wanted, and CG'd right off the bat, and everything. I had to wait years, struggling with the mouse and everything to attempt getting nice CG art. I only get jealous over decorated houses for the fact that they can. (I haven't moved out yet so I can't.) I don't get jealous of peoples outfits, just kinda don't...I generally just apprieciate actually seeing a nice one. I never got jealous over friends reaching dreams, I encourage it.  Though, I understand your issue with your boyfriend. My first boyfriend...um, he was a promise breaking cheater but he was highly the jealous type. I wasn't allowed friends with males. I don't trust people who are like that, and refuse to let you talk to other boys/girls. I feel it shows that they are not trusting you and think you'll cheat? and a cheater is more likely to expect such a thing out of you bcause they are and think everyone else would too? That was my first boyfriend's case at least... I surely hope that isn't your boyfriends case. I feel insecurity really comes from how you're raised.

I still don't quite get it. I find it to be extremly statisfying when you have saved up for something for a very long time and finally can buy it. It's a really great achivement and it really means a lot. Those girl with the dads with creditcards, why would anyone want to be jealous of them? They don't even appreciate the expensive items they have, so it's their loss!

I guess you feel thretned when people like the same thing as you... like your integity and "uniqeness" is thretned. I think it's pretty common. I don't know if I have experienced it. Of course people are better than me on many aspects, but I'm better than them on other aspects so it should be even.... as long as you're good at something and not always have to experience to be pushed down.

@Zeruda: I agree.

Zeruda wrote: I still don't quite get it. I find it to be extremly statisfying when you have saved up for something for a very long time and finally can buy it. It's a really great achivement and it really means a lot. Those girl with the dads with creditcards, why would anyone want to be jealous of them? They don't even appreciate the expensive items they have, so it's their loss! I guess you feel thretned when people like the same thing as you... like your integity and "uniqeness" is thretned. I think it's pretty common. I don't know if I have experienced it. Of course people are better than me on many aspects, but I'm better than them on other aspects so it should be even.... as long as you're good at something and not always have to experience to be pushed down.

I agree about how satisfying it is to work hard for something, but I get jealous of those who can work hard too. I am more jealous of them then the rich girls who get everything cause daddy has the cash. I suppose I get jealous of those I feel have less in their way, but I can't really continue on that way. I generally hide my jealousy with a lock and seal but sometimes I switch into a more childish side and openly blurt all emotions. Going as far to be all "uu, pay attention to me." and such.

I also agree with your second statement. When depressed though you generally don't think about the positive, ya know?